Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Miss Voltaria (2:48:43 AM): What's this?

Post your name on my blog and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. If you do this you MUST post this on yours. You MUST. It is written

Miss Voltaria (2:48:53 AM): I'll post it on my blog if you answer the questions

crushedtwinkie (2:49:46 AM): 1. You aspire to be a cranberry farmer
crushedtwinkie (2:50:01 AM): 2. Amelie, naturally.
crushedtwinkie (2:50:40 AM): 3. Cherry, that always seemed to me to be the most sensual fruit somehow.
crushedtwinkie (2:51:05 AM): 4. Worchester!!
crushedtwinkie (2:51:40 AM): 5. Seeing you dance at midnight, mid August of 2006.
crushedtwinkie (2:52:29 AM): 6. A kitten looking for it's mother
Miss Voltaria (2:54:27 AM): a kitten looking for it's mother?
Miss Voltaria (2:54:31 AM): that's so sad
crushedtwinkie (2:54:46 AM): You are sad sometimes
Miss Voltaria (2:54:52 AM): this is true
Miss Voltaria (2:55:02 AM): you are very insightful
crushedtwinkie (2:55:28 AM): It's obvious that you are sad sometimes, but thank you.
crushedtwinkie (3:00:21 AM): 7. Are you really going to join a Roller Derby team?
Miss Voltaria (3:01:16 AM): I want to. I am getting stronger
crushedtwinkie (3:01:22 AM): hot
crushedtwinkie (3:01:41 AM): Ok, your turn
Miss Voltaria (3:02:13 AM): okay
Miss Voltaria (3:02:48 AM): 1. You have always wanted to be a wrestler with your brother
Miss Voltaria (3:03:46 AM): 2. movie: Rushmore
Miss Voltaria (3:05:48 AM): #2. part b. Song: Dusty Springfield: son of a preacher man
Miss Voltaria (3:05:53 AM): that will always remind me of you
crushedtwinkie (3:04:14 AM): aw..
Miss Voltaria (3:04:46 AM): 3. You would wrestle in watermelon jello because it's mellow yet interesting
Miss Voltaria (3:06:27 AM): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYIIIIIIH!
Miss Voltaria (3:06:43 AM): that's #4
crushedtwinkie (3:06:50 AM): I hope so
Miss Voltaria (3:08:08 AM): 5. sitting at chief Ikes in the cold near the heater thing, having a smoke and talking about anything and nothing and everything
crushedtwinkie (3:08:22 AM): That's the first?
Miss Voltaria (3:08:29 AM): the first one that stands out
Miss Voltaria (3:08:36 AM): its the most memorable
Miss Voltaria (3:08:43 AM): I thought you were fascinating
Miss Voltaria (3:08:45 AM): I still do
crushedtwinkie (3:09:04 AM): I thought it would be Domi introducing us at Midnight
Miss Voltaria (3:09:17 AM): it wasn't significant to me
crushedtwinkie (3:09:19 AM): Our second introduction
crushedtwinkie (3:09:29 AM): Fair enough
Miss Voltaria (3:09:35 AM): I need a minute to connect for it to be memorable
crushedtwinkie (3:10:07 AM): What animal am I?
Miss Voltaria (3:11:12 AM): 6. you are a Bengal tiger, rare, handsome, strong, and with the right mate, the king of the food chain
crushedtwinkie (3:11:37 AM):
crushedtwinkie (3:11:49 AM): Rarrr!
crushedtwinkie (3:13:00 AM): Heh, 7 is the tough one
Miss Voltaria (3:13:39 AM): hrmm...hang on
Miss Voltaria (3:20:06 AM): okay I got it
Miss Voltaria (3:20:13 AM): what kind of movie do you most want to direct
crushedtwinkie (3:21:22 AM): An action movie.
Miss Voltaria (3:21:38 AM): for example?
crushedtwinkie (3:23:41 AM): Something with layers of meaning, but still with lots of action, like a Paul Verhoeven (Robocop, Starship Troopers, Total Recall) film
Miss Voltaria (3:24:18 AM): I could totally see you doing that
crushedtwinkie (3:25:16 AM): I like things post apocalyptic too, it's the only reason I am wanting to see the Terminator sequel/prequel coming out

I am obsessed with the Geico commercial featuring the money you could be saving or "Kash" as he is formally named.

I am obsessed because the music at the end is so damn catchy and I was determined to find who made that song. Apparently it's a remake by Mysto & Pizzi of the '80s Rockwell hit "Somebody's Watching Me." So to make it easier and share the electro goodness of this song with you, I have embedded it on my blog. Enjoy!

Every time I hear sad news on the news, I can’t help but feel guilty that I live such a comfortable life. It makes me physically sick that bombs are going off near other people’s homes, while I am here typing this.

Number 1, thanks to every one who came out the Hexagon in Baltimore. Sorry I didn't do much promoting, but I dropped the ball on that one. Next time I will be sure to better haul your asses out to the show. The bands played a hell of a show and for the few that got to see it, everyone who played thanks you for your support.

I spun a dubstep/Drum&Bass set to kick off the night. Here is my setlist from the night:

WORMS OF THE EARTH: SACRED VIRUS (GROSS PROPHET REMIX)
BURIAL: UNITE
ED RUSH & OPTICAL: WATCHING WINDOWS
VARIOUS: 2 Pi R
LTJ BUKEM: MUSIC
SALTILLO: A SIMPLE TEST
DJ QUEST: GRAVELMUNCHA (TAKAMO REMIX)
TAKAMO: BOMBMAN
DERTRITUS: FRAGMENTS (DON'T MAKE A WHOLE)
AMIT: ROOTS
PENDULUM: SLAM
LIMEWAX: EVERYTHING
END.USER: ON A BUS IN BRIGHTON
FLASHBULB: LAWN WAKE XI
EVOL INTENT: THE BLOOD
LIMEWAX: SLAVES
EDGEY: I BECOME
END.USER: TOO MANY FUCKING STAIRS
CURRENT VALUE: THE POWER (FEAT. SNOW)
TEEBEE VS. FUTURE PROFIT: THE PATH
BRANSBOYND: ROBOT (FEAT. TATU)
PENDULUM: SOUNDS OF LIFE (FEAT. JASMINE LEE)
TEEBEE VS. FUTURE PROFIT: DIMENSIONAL ENTTITY (EVOL INTENT REMIX)
EVOL INTENT: FLIPSIDE (FEAT. BLIP)
TEEBEE: HUMAN REPTILE
TEEBEE: UNTITLED
TYPECELL: BAD ILLUSIONS (BSE REMIX)
PENDULUM: HOLD YOUR COLOR
CHASE AND STATUS: CAN'T GET ENOUGH
PENDULUM: STREAMLINE
PENDULUM: STILL GREY
PENDULUM: VAULT
EVOL INTENT: ASSIMILATION

I was followed by Worms of the Earth who tore up the PA system with his intense powernoize set of tracks off his new release "The Whore" (which is also for sale and a great Christmas gift for Mom, Dad, Little Jimmy and Grandma). As an extra bonus, Dan called me up onstage with him so that we I could sing along to his WOTE remix of Sacred Virus by Caduceus Virus (our ex project). It turned out great and it was so fun to pull out he old stuff.

Vicious Alliance played a scorching set of pure terror. The lead singer, Elijah S. Arms and his dually important female vocalist and right hand woman, Natalia, brought down the house with the duality of blistering harsh vocals next to the clean female vocals. The power of the performance was just as much if they had been playing for an audience of 3000 instead of 30. VA played both old and new tracks so that anyone could enjoy and feel the power of their music.

Please don't be one of these people. There is no good imitation for meat at your damn vegetarian restaurants.

Holy jingle bells, batman! It's almost Christmas.

I am thinking I may not be able to handle another one.

While Christmas used to be a magical special day of getting together, now it's just a nuisance to me. Not to be a grinch or anything, I respect the love that others have for this holiday, but I simply cannot empathize with how they feel.

I wish Christmas was optional. like, would you like to celebrate this year or not (please check one). That way no one would get offended at your lack of holiday spirit.

for example:

"Hey Jim! Where's your ugly holiday sweater?"
"Oh the wife and I aren't celebrating this year. Figured we'd take a year off with the economy and all"
And then it's no big deal. You can't get mad at someone who opted out of Christmas.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now
be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have
$49.00 left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.  

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all
the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund you
would have $214.00.Based on the above, the best current investment
advice is to drink heavily and recycle.  This is called the 401-Keg
Plan.

All of these things leave me wondering how I didn't come up with these things first


It really doesn't get any better than a toilet plunger on a stick. I don't even think it's Japanese, so this invention has no excuse for it's craziness.




This one is equally as creepy as it is nonfunctional.  If you are like me, then you hate putting eye drops in through some goofy funnel glasses is not going to help.

Pogo-Copter (1969)
Take a standard pogo stick, add a wheel and a propeller and what have you got? A spring-loaded ticket to the hospital. As you bounce, the copter's blades send you high into the air. It's like floating on a cloud — for about a second. Then you crash.

Helmet-Mounted Pistol (1953)
Essentially a hard hat with a gun strapped to the top, this weapon is perfect for the multitasking hunter (or armless serial killer). To shoot, simply blow into the connected tube. Talk about a killer hands-free device.

High-Speed Track Trainer (1982)
No pain, no gain. Supercharge your workout routine with this two-wheeled cart that hitches to the back of a car. As a partner drives, you train by holding on, running, and generally trying not to fall and kill yourself.

Missing-Eye Glasses (1975)
If you have only one eye but want to approximate (however poorly) the appearance of having two, don these specs. They use a mirror to capture the image of your lone peeper and reproduce it in the location of your missing one. The results are not exactly out of sight.

Airbag Undershorts (2006)
What better way to magnify the humiliation of falling on your ass than with inflatable undies? These brainy briefs feature accelerometers that detect a tumble in progress, sending compressed gas into balloon-like pockets throughout the knickers. Phew! That was almost embarrassing.

Penis Exerciser (1995)
Only a few short years ago scientists realized that LDS (Limp Dick Syndrome, look it up), was caused by a lack of circulation to the muscles of the penis. What he failed to realize was that his solution of having us drop trou and repeatedly lift a weighted lever with Little Bruno at full attention involved foresight and effort.

All About Scorpio

Scorpio Characteristics and Profile
[Scorpio] Provided by Tarot.com

The Scorpion is one intense little creature, with enough poison in its own tail to disable or kill a much larger opponent. But the problem with this kind of built-in biological weaponry is that it must be mastered in order to be used most effectively. You Scorpios can use your "stinger" for self-defense, using your powerful emotional awareness to render your opponent harmless. But there is a sexual component of poisonous tail also, and until Scorpio learns to control those strong urges, Scorpio may find yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Scorpio is the only sign that has three animal totems. First, there is the well-known Scorpion with its active tail. Second, as the Scorpio learns to master its passion and hold its instincts at bay, it changes into the Eagle. The Eagle has more perspective, for it flies high above the surface of circumstances, swooping down with its power only to kill prey for food. In its third form, the Scorpion becomes the always-peaceful dove. The real meaning of Scorpio is thus shown. Scorpio is about metamorphosis. Scorpios transform the painful poisons of possessive passion into a higher consciousness based on universal love.

The Scorpio motto might be "What is hidden is more interesting than what is obvious." You are the detectives of the zodiac. Your magnetic personality draws others to you. But you can also be secretive yourself, for you learn early on that when you express everything, others may be scared by the power of your feelings. You desperately want to have someone to merge with your feelings, but can become cold and withdrawn when hurt in love. You have the magic to light up the dark, but sometimes you would benefit by looking at the positive side of things rather than going into the darkness at all.

Element: Water
Astrologically, the water element symbolizes emotion. Water runs deep; it seeks its own level and will flow until it has found it. The cycle of water is endless with the snows falling in the mountains and melting. The mountain streams join to make the great rivers that run to the sea. The tides and currents churn the oceans. Similarly, our feelings are flowing as they connect the present with past experiences. Sometimes the waters are so deep that we cannot put words to our feelings.

The water of Scorpio is fixed and frozen, but it is a mistake to think that ice doesn't flow. It does flow -- and with great power. Think of a glacier, moving so very slowly, yet with enough power to flatten a forest or even a mountain.

Eighth House: Transformation
Since the Second House is the House of Possessions, the Eighth House opposite it, is about what other people have. This can include sexual issues, for they usually involve another person. It is also about the ultimate transformation -- death -- but not necessarily your own. It could be said that the Eighth House is what we don't know and what we cannot understand. It is surely a House of Hidden Power.

Key Planet: Pluto
Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld. If this sounds scary, it demands a bit more explanation, for Pluto symbolizes everything that is beneath our consciousness. This isn't about the Hell where we are punished. Rather, it is the Hell that William Blake describes as a place "so beautiful that it would torment an angel to insanity." As the key planet for Scorpio, Pluto is intense and powerful, representing those things that we don't or can't understand. And it is from these hidden Plutonic spaces that magical transformations arise.

Scorpio Greatest Strength: Your passion about your feelings

Scorpio Possible Weakness: Need for secrecy can be isolating


Leo Ascendant

Leo rising people cannot help but be noticed. They radiate a special energy and magnetism that gets others' attention. Sometimes it's because they are loud people who pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance (especially their hair!); other times it's due to a regal manner that simply demands interest from others.

Leo Ascendant people are very self-aware and body-conscious. They are acutely aware of others, and how they come across. In fact, these people are especially aware of their personal "backdrop"--they consider what the people they're with, and the environments they are in, do to their own image. Often, Leo rising natives feel as if they are on stage, even in the privacy of their own homes!

They are given to rash decisions, temper tantrums, and excesses. However, they have plenty of staying power, drive, and their idealism keeps them from getting into too much trouble. The desire to oversee the goings-on in their circle can sometimes amount to bossiness. If this desire doesn't go too far, however, it can just mean a person who wants to make sure the people they love are all right. Many Leo rising people are managers, either by profession or character.

The tendency to overestimate things, and themselves, is generally present. This is due to a natural enthusiasm and optimism about any new undertaking. Sometimes, they are walking commercials. In fact, Leo rising people make excellent promoters.

Leo rising people are generally demonstrative, and given to grand gestures. Drama comes naturally to these natives. In fact, some are so caught up in fiction, they're a little blind to fact. They have an unusual need to be admired.

Leo Ascendants often have a strong physical constitution. They pay special attention to their personal appearance and mannerisms. Usually, they choose clothing and hairstyles that are youthful. Their manner is authoritarian and strong.

No matter their age in real-world terms, Leo rising people are kids at heart. They are fun-loving and warm; generous and spirited.

Just how magnanimous and outgoing a Leo rising individual is will be modified by the placement of the Sun by sign and house. This is because the ruling planet of a Leo Ascendant is the Sun. For example, a Leo rising person with Sun in Virgo may not come across as strongly as a Leo rising person with Sun in Aries. No matter the placement of the Sun, however, Leo rising natives are quite self-aware and optimistic. They have a natural flair for presentation, an eye for quality, and a hard-to-resist warmth of style. They want to make things happen, and create a stir. More on Leo Rising.

Famous people with Leo Ascendants include George Bush Jr., Robert Downey Jr., Justin Timberlake, Muhammad Ali, Celine Dion, Donald Trump, Elton John, and Marilyn Monroe.

...'cause I'm drownin' my sorrows in diet soda goodness...





*****original image by Natalie Dee and edited by me*****
*****please check out her comics and pee yourself laughing*****
http://nataliedee.com/
*****that is all*****

Goth cliches are the best. If you can think of any, please post them in the comments.

You might be goth if...

You go to the make up isle and there isn't a shade light enough for you.

You manage to find 70 SPF.

You consider poetry a competitive sport.

You love it when the club plays the same damn safety set of the greatest goth hits every week.

You are a dancin' fool on the floor, but your dance can be mistaken for convulsions.

You are always torn between the "blue black" or the "classic black" hair dye

You know Hot Topic isn't goth but you still buy your stockings there.

You think Halloween garb is appropriate for year round decoration.

You wear your sunglasses at night...


*****AND NOW, GOTH JOKES!YAY!!11!!1*****

What do you call a goth lying in the road?
A speed bump.

How do you get a goth out of a tree?
Cut the rope!

What do you store your heavy velvet cape in for the summer?
Goth balls.

Why is it so hard for goths to get work?
Because all they can do is mope the floors are depress the buttons.

How many goths does it take to make cheesecake?
None, there are no goths in cheesecake.

Old goths don't die, they just need less makeup.

Two goths are having sex. (Strange, I know, but true.) Suddenly, the girl
goth comes.
"Darling, darling!" says the boy goth, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing," says the girl goth, "nothing at all. Why?"
"You moved."

What's black and sits in the corner?
A dead baby goth.

"He's *such* a *goth* ..."
"How *much* of a goth *is* he?"
"... that when he hangs around the house ... he *hangs* around the house!"

What happens if you don't pay the exorcist?
You get repossessed.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to change it and two to talk about Lord Byron's Grand Tour and
creative uses of laudanum in a metaphysical environment.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
None, but one has to light the candle.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'd rather sit in the dark and cry.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just embrace the darkness.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it for a purple bulb and one to plug the smoke machine in.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, five to scream "Turn that bloody light off!"

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
Dunno, but I see them all practicing at Slimelight, while dancing to the
Sisters. The raise their arms in a stretching way towards the ceiling, twisting their wrists and returning their arm to their mid-rift, while walking backwards and swaying in the murky darkness.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to do it, the other to bitch about how Andrew Eldritch could have done it better.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb, and another to curse the first for putting a glare on the terminal screen while the second was reading alt.gothic.

What do you get if you cross a goth and a toilet?
The cisterns of mercy.

Hello hello readers! And so goes the old saying "when it rains it pours". I am talking about when bad shit happens. I got fired from my job on Friday, and that kinda sucked. One of those "last in first out" downsizing kind of things. On the bright side, I get to file for unemployment whilst I seek new employment. Last Friday we had to put my black lab, Jo Jo down because his arthritis was so bad that he could barely move. The very same day my super old ipod died. This ipod was a war torn veteran 4th gen 20 gig that I had for over six years. I suppose it was it's time, but I simply cannot afford a new piece of machinery at this time of unemployment. Just to put the icing on the cake, my student aid didn't go through and I have to go see what I can do to rectify that. So, please forgive me if I haven't returned your calls and other such communications, things have been a little rough lately.

I couldn't care less about the olympics unless it involves a Jamaican bobsled team

it just got easier to be fat. 

Remember those damn Magic Eye books from when you were a kid (well I guess when you were a kid if you are presently within the 20-30 age range)?  I never could see the pictures inside them, which was a serious disappointment as a child.  

After years of childhood therapy, I am happy to report that I am over my disdain of optical illusions.  That is, until I was watching The Science of Sleep the other day and they do this little weird finger trick thing and you see your two fingers come together or something, and sure enough I CAN'T SEE IT!!!!  

 
Whatever...my eyes are just fine without floating weinies...